In Remembrance

Jokul - Joe Cool - Jo - J, whatever you called him, friend is what he was. It's still hard to believe he's gone. For some reason I had hoped that his passing was some kind of cosmic joke, but the cosmos don't kid around like that, if at all.

What is it I miss most about Joe? His humor -- dry and quick, sometimes wicked but never hateful. I imagine him making jokes even when he could barely breathe. Maybe a nurse came into his room and said, "I'll be taking care of all your needs this evening Mr. Armstrong" and without so much as a breath between, Joe says, "which side of the bed would you like?" or "grab me a beer and we can get started."

Yes he was funny, and a great listener. He always shared important advice if he deemed it necessary. And all this time, I never even imagined him sick. I've seen the wheelchair, I've even sat on his lap and played in his hair. But it didn't actually occur to me that he was sick. He never wanted to pitied, he never asked for sympathy, he just lived his life like each day was a blessing. I assumed he could be fixed. It never occurred to me that he couldn't be cured even when he told me as much.

Now a days when he pops into my mind I still fight back the burning of tears in my eyes. In the end, he is gone and no matter how whacked I am about it, crying isn't going to bring him back. I miss him, I miss him so much it hurts, but I will also always remember him.