Current Projects

The only thing I've been working on as far as writing goes is Cutthroat. However I've come to the conclusion that I want to start a new short story centering around the Halloween holiday. Why? Hell if I know I just know that I want to write a scary story, horror, something sci-fi, who knows, I sure don't. So I'm going to continue working on Cutthroat and come up with an idea for this new story. Unfortunately my ideas book doesn't have any ideas in the categories I wish to pursue. I guess it's time to step outside the box, in order to get this story started. Hopefully it won't turn into a novel by the time I'm done rambling. Write On!

Superfood?

So I read this article recently about Sardines being a super food and that many people don't even bother with it. OK first of all, eww small tiny fishiness in a can of oil or some mustardy sauce. They are only fish right? Some of the ones I've seen still have their heads on them. Yuck! Okay I've never really tried them.(But still?) The point I'm trying to make is they claim to be a super food, they are suppose to keep you healthy. My father who is going to be 70 years old this year loves sardines, absolutely loves them and he is still battling prostate cancer. Super food my ass. And where are all the animal rights activist? Hmm I've seen groups for cats, dogs, geese, and frogs on the verge of extinction, but I have never heard anything about a group protesting fishermen. Fish are breathing creatures too? So burgers and ribs and pork chops are bad for us, hell even chicken is bad for us but fish isn't? It doesn't matter that we kill so much a fish a day, for food when we can all just be vegetarians and live off the land like normal, non psychotic animal killing maniacs? Just my opinion.


Here is a link to the article I read. You know just in case you want to check it out for yourself.

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/food/the-1-food-you-should-eat-and-probably-dont-1285090/

What's Going On?

Nothing much today. I'm just hanging out at home. Did some cleaning and now I'm playing around on the internet. I'm addicted to Farmville, how sad is that? Yes I haven't much of a life. But hopefully this evening I can get to some writing. For the most part I think I want my murderer to be female. But hey you never know what will come at me while I'm writing. My novel is coming along, slowly but it's coming. I'm going to take my family's advice and not rush it. (Honestly I've been rushing it a little) But hey can you blame me? I'm in a hurry to find out who done it, just like my readers. I say readers like I have a following. Ha! Talk about arrogance. I have no following but I have heart and that is what is going to make me a successful writer one day. One day. Much respect.

My Latest Masterpiece

So I'm working on my latest novel, Cutthroat and I'm kinda stuck. I didn't bother writing on it for about a month because I thought if I gave it a little time and come back to it, the creative side of my brain would jump start. Did it? Sure I got a few paragraphs in but it's not flowing like I wanted it to. But I'm going to keep pounding it out until something gives me a jump. It's going to be an excellent novel, yes I know that sounds a bit arrogant, but I have to believe that whatever it is that drives me is producing some greatness someone down the line. Wish me luck.

A New Day

So I woke up today feeling a little bit better than yesterday, as with yesterday and the previous day. That is good news, being that I am going to have to plant my garden soon. I'm super excited and yes I know I'm said that but as the time gets closer I get even more excited. My garden is going to be beautiful, hopefully. I'm keeping a positive attitude and I'm researching a lot trying to get everything right. With everything though you never will know the end result until you try and with trial and error there is plenty that can go wrong. So here I am planning and plotting (get it plotting? Whatever) to start really soon. I can't wait.

Sick Right Now

I've been sick recently and then I got better and now I'm feeling all congested and I'm so fucking sick of it. Man Michigan weather is horrible sometimes. You get excited about the season's changing and then a smack in the face when you wake up to snow. Okay maybe there isn't any snow on the ground this morning but it was wet and cold outside and it is doing nothing for my congestion. So what am I rambling on about anyway? I'm pissed off that my body isn't bouncing back like it use to. I'm getting old and another birthday is upon me and for the first time I'm not happy with getting older.

On top of all that I'm having trouble with my addiction to cigarettes. I've been wanting to quit, to feel and breathe better, but since we've been stressed out so much in the pass couple months I can't even slow down. I wanted to be smoke free by my birthday, well as of right now I don't think it's going to happen, although that is still my goal. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can have the will power to do it. So even though I feel like shit right now I'm trying to remain positive. So here's to a smoke free birthday, feeling younger than my actual age and keeping a positive attitude. Who's with me?

To Love Me You Must

Come dance with me by the wild fire
Where smoke filled dreams float on by
The sky is filled with a dusting of love
And there is only you and I
Flickering soaked filled veins
Chasing each other around in a golden haze
Silhouetted against the graceful fir
As heat steams from wanting flesh

Ashes to Ashes
Dust to Dust...

These embers are the only shroud
Take a step closer to happiness
Don't let your heart be clouded
Lust has nothing to do with images
Listen as the eagles serenade
Watch the wind carry all fear away
Walk on through the wild fire
This is where your earth lives

Ashes to Ashes
Dust to Dust...

To love me you must...

Unbounding Freedom

Road trippin' across country
Oh what fun it was
Meeting with friends and old loves
Along the way I heard your voice
And yes I know...a crazy choice
But I found truth, so free and sound
I am a Monarch Butterfly
Finally unbound...
Oh yeah I've figured it all out
Home never allowed me to change
I was so deep in everything but me
See now today is really a new day
I faced fears driving along that road
And I found peace, so free and sound
I am a Monarch Butterfly
Finally unbound...
Imagine the journey one has made
A change so unmeasurable
Allowing me to soar unstoppable now
Mountains touch the delicate clouds
I linger by in images come true
And I found love, so free and sound
I am a Monarch Butterfly
Finally unbound...

To Be My Love

I am your light darling
I feel your need
But only if you believe
Can I set you free
I am the way my dear
I know what you want
But only if you believe
Dreams come to be
Life is like a book
Fairy-tales do come true
But only if you believe
Can you see me

The freedom I see
Each stepping stone
Each golden ray
Leads us to something
Maybe unexplainable
But well worth the trip

So step up to the plate
Give it your best hit
And watch the skies
Climb the mountains
Melting in the sunrise
This is natures fountain
Drink plenty, take it all in
Lend your hand to a stranger
And you can find me again
I will be here waiting
Only for you my darling
The epiphany of love


The freedom I see
Each prism rainbow
Each brilliant butterfly
Leads us to something
Fairly unique
But well worth the trip

Mirror Image

I guess it comes full circle, you let another in
Allowed him to do with your heart what he will
Now look at you, look deep inside, your breath is heavy, body lethargic
Those thoughts are back, you're trying to be strong
You think you're made of steel, waterworks you have concealed
Look at me, don't shut me out, you've done that long enough
Give me something to know that you're alive, scream
Fight, yell, cry, scream, please give me anything
Don't raise your hand to me, to you, I am you, you need to look deep
I see the fury in your eyes, the anger upon your cheeks
I know you want to cry, you want to let it go, do so
Let it go now, scream, show me something, no pity
Don't swing on me, I may be shattered into a million pieces
I'm broken at your feet, but I am you, don't hurt me more
I can still see you, I feel your drippings, blood and tears
Let it go, scream, scream, cry, question why, and scream
It always comes full circle, that by now you ought to know

I Want

If I come to you, will you love me like you say
If I come to you, will you keep me satisfied
I’m content with just your arms
But I want your heart to beat with mine
To hold onto me until I can no longer breathe
I want to feel everything intensely
What is it that you see between us
Because I don’t want to see anything
I want not even a breath between
I want every inch of you wanting every inch
I want to feel your laugh radiating my heart
Causing our hearts to flutter rapidly
I want to deal with the pain of life
With your hand in mine, and heart’s as one
I’ might be wanting to much here
But that’s what I want if I come to you
If you come to me I would want the same thing
I want to feel your everyday
I want to feel your eyes burn with tears
I want to feel your body explode in exotic rapture
And I want to overcome the obstacles with you by my side
Guiding me, as you let me guide you
Forever, and ever.. I want..

Craving Possibilities

Do you know you mean everything to me?

I crave your presence, think of you constantly

Your eyes glowing like the color of the sea

Your words keep me inspired to dream

Building inner strengths

Relying on the pull within

I crave you now

Wish I had you then

Where have you been all this time?

Did you not see you were always mine?

We didn’t need all them broken hearts

Always searching for the one who’d never parts

Stumbling, falling to the ground

Breaking barriers head on

I crave you now

Wish I had you then

Always seeing the possibilities

Forever reaching endlessly

One day we will come to be

What it is our future foresees

Once forever is upon us don’t hold back

Love me hard, don’t ever slack

I crave you now

Wish I had you then

It’s all null and void

As long as you’ll be here in the end.

Breathlessly

Slowly swaying,

Music flows quietly

Hands holding,

Tight to soft skin,

Breathlessly

Looking into,

Dreams come true,

Wondering

Hearts beat,

Rhythmic notations

Of each other

Fingers gently brushing

Cheeks aflame

Breathlessly

The fire roars

Bodies shiver,

In anticipation of destiny

Tips of noses tangle,

In honorable embraces

Breathlessly

The music stops

Hips and hearts continue

Rocking, wanting

Breathlessly

Dancing with you...

We Know

I love when he looks into my eyes
Seeing him wondering what it is I’m thinking
Wondering what he’s actually wondering
And then he smiles
Because he knows…

I lean in close, whispering…
I don’t know why I’ve earned your arms around me
But I love your warmth
Then he presses his lips to mine
And I moan softly as my heart pumps faster
I know to…

With just the touch of his hands
I shiver, never wanting this feeling to end
And I squeeze him tighter
Laying my head on his chest
Breathing him in
He brushes my hair back
And kisses my forehead
We both know…

Flourishing

He thinks I pull away
When my mind tends to wander
Engrossed in a notebook page
Writing all the things I ponder
But what he doesn’t know
Within here I pour my soul
On this page our lives tend to unfold
He’s parched by my silence
I lean back giving him a tender kiss
He smiles at his refreshment
Driven I begin to write again
Compounded by moments like this
We sat on that mountain top
For what seemed like forever
His arms around me
Flourishing in each others presence

Within Him

I want to hear his sweet whispers
I crave the sound of his voice
The touch of his hands
And the warmth of his grasp

I want to hold him forever
Keeping him locked away for myself
Allowing him to love only me
Dwelling in the secrecy of him

I want to kiss his sweet lips
Taste the nectar of his heart
Squeeze him tight, until he smiles
The object of my lust

I want to build the future with him
His arms around me
His lips on mine
Only crying at his perfection!

Amazing Possibilities

It amazes me
How he looked into this strange, unknowable heart
Learned the geography
And then revealed my secrets
And with a couple of words
Turned my head to other possibilities
The magic of warmth
Tender kisses and charm


It amazes me
How this man could see straight through
And then instead of running
Stayed to repair the cracks
And with a couple of words
Turned my head to other possibilities
Leaving me in awe
Warm hugs and intoxicating stares

It amazes me
How he can make me smile through tears
Erasing doubt
Helping me overcome my fears
And with a couple of words
Turned my head to other possibilities
Leaving me breathless
With his arms around me, and a gentle kiss..

Thoroughly

Love me thoroughly
Create no space within your soul
That I cannot consume of you
I’m not asking for promises to be made
I’m asking to allow me in
I’m asking you to love me thoroughly
Create no space between you and me
Overcoming our needs
Consume me constantly
Allow me to follow the mazes
My heart leading to yours
And anchor our hunger

Hybrid of Love

We have a hybrid, a weeping oak tree
Emerge together in strength and possibilities
Letting it grow we looked after it well
Sheltering it from the curse that nature befell
We dance under it’s profound shade
We soak in the beauty of it’s glade
We had a picnic our backs into it’s trunk
After lunch into his arms I sunk
He held me the whole night through
As the sunset, and the chilly wind blew
But all worries were gone, we were safe
Under the love hybrid, we ourselves create.

Continued to Unfold Part 2

That night just before the sun would rise
He whispered, "I love you" looking deeply into my eyes
I melted breathlessly into his embrace
Whispering, "I love you too baby" while softly caressing his face
Amazed at the thoughts of what our future holds
Our lives continued to unfold...

That night began our thoughts of forever
We knew from that day we would always be together
The next morning he made me breakfast in bed
Waking me with sugary kisses until I was well fed
In his arms, protecting me from the cold
Our lives continued to unfold...

We took a long walk that day
Hand and hand, love guiding our way
Continuing to bring smiles to a stranger's face
We continued to be entranced in each others embrace
Stopping only briefly with kisses so bold
Our lives continued to unfold...

Continued to Unfold

He said this was my chance to leave my worries behind
Taking me in his arms, wrapping his heart in mine
He looked at me with those beautiful brown eyes
Smiling, kissing me softly, and wiping away my cries
Enticing me with his warmth, entrancing me
His touch encouraging trembles within my soul
Our lives continued to unfold…

He said the world is filled with promises, but he can’t promise all, just him
I caressed his face, whispering softly, “that’s more than enough”
“Close your eyes baby, what do you see?” I was speechless at the thought
Breathing shallow at the aromatic sensations he was creating with his whispers
My heart ached, and lost the battle that was fought
I fell hard into his arms giving him my all to behold
Our lives continued to unfold…

“Any special directions for life?” I wondered, could he overhear?
“Make me happy always, and I’ll always make you smile.”
Smiling at that thought, as I felt his breath upon my neck
Shivering as two enriched souls vibrantly connects
Making love all night, and oh what a story he told
Our lives continued to unfold…

Time

A lifetime can pass within a moment’s notice
In each second with you, my heart comes into focus
Not a minute passes that I don’t want you more
With momentary lapses you shake my inner core
Superficial exploits with material things
Have nothing to do with the significance you bring
So I’m telling you now, before we miss another lifetime
That all I’ve every wanted was for you to be mine
Don’t answer just yet, think about the moments passing
I hope you understand the question I am asking
I want forever, and a million lifetimes with you
Individually merging in a love penned to be true.

Interlinked

I want to be your source
You want to be all that you can
Using me is your choice
I’m here to be the best of friends
All I ask in return, is you take my hand
Guide me as I guide you
Trust me to do all I can
Take this moment in your hand
Close your eyes, and tell me what you see
I see us more than friends
I see everything of what we ought to be
So instead of dreaming
Why not just being?
Letting life’s flow, go rapid through our souls
Taking us within waves of passion
Wrapping us in each other
Together we can accomplish so much
In everything, not only in love
Take this moment in your hand
And tell me you see everything, in me.

Initiation

What is my initiation?
How can I prove myself into your heart
I want into the community of you
I’m gratified by your unique criteria
Your inquisitiveness captures
Leaving me yearning for our connection
Justifying my dependency on your affection
Wanting to emerge in your structure
Intensely contributing to your foundation
Fundamentally belonging only to you
Obsessively driven by your reassurances
My implicit hunger permeates true.

Addiction

You have lured me into your insides
Cradled me wickedly in your blood’s tides
Granting me a tempting twilight
Souls mangled within a fight
Discovering unhallowed dreams
Smothering us in addicting screams
I thrive at the voodoo of your touch
Enduring chaotic tingling and such
Convicted of the enticing superstitions
Leaving my heart in strange repetitions
Disappearances of all but us two
Our arms defining rainbows dew
Colors strangely discovered in reverse
Lips dancing in a lover’s course

Finding a Place

Looking through the hierarchy of life
Trying to find my place
Tired of the unintentional strife
That I myself seem to create
Unable to understand the simplest of things
The terrifying consequences
The delusions inner turmoil brings
The ferocity savage tempest from within
Raging unpredictable impulses
Strikes a lethal spark upon my fiery skin
Then I try to comply to the “norm”
Not wanting to be an epidemic of me
Leaving my soul empty without form
Unknown place on the hierarchy I must be

Tragedy of the Heart

Yet another story in the local paper
Telling the world of a woman
One of truth, and heartbreak
She had all she could take
The pain radiated throughout her
Awaken with the knowledge of nothing
Only the heartache she felt
She needed a release
Crying at the life she was dealt
She thought she’d survive
And watch her children grow
But only seconds before
Changing her mind too late
Yet another story in the local paper
Telling the world of a woman
Who failed at the truth of heartache
Who succeeded at finding her release

Beyond

Life has never been so sweet
You have become my heart's blissful retreat
Everyday looking forward to more
Tracing fingertips along heart's door
As much as we both want to enter
The obstacles have become our deterrent
So each day we dream of the possibilities
Trying to remove the space that lies between
Our bodies craving to meet
Our hearts craving to merge
Our dreams running down one path
Together, energies developing a romantic surge

Sweet Surrender

He said "Surrender to me, as I have to you and let our energies merge"
Then the images of us two, flooded my mind sending me trembling on the verge
Thoughts contemplating long after we broke touch
Waiting impatiently for the morning sun to again feel his rush
And he was there waiting for my "Good Morning"
I smile at the thought of his day soaring
Our energies merge more with each second passing
Creating a path of one with unquestioned asking
Our heart's and soul's prominently making declarations
Composing insights into the seducer's imagination

Who Am I?

Am I a smile in a darkened pit?
Am I providing light to get out of it?
Am I the sun lighting the way?
Am I guiding you up the ladder into the fray?
Am I the wind blowing across your face?
Am I the help needed when weary, to pick up the pace?
Am I the rain dancing in the wind?
Am I good enough to be your friend?
Am I the moisture, radiating from your soul within?
Am I a compass, a guiding light?
Am I your hand in the darkened night?
Am I the smile upon your lips?
Am I the warmth of a tender kiss?
Am I the song raging through your mind?
Am I the consumption of time?
Am I remarkable?
Am I unpredictable?
Am I a clue?
Am I you?
Am I me?
Can I be?

Crossing Together

We will cross that bridge
Fear or no fear
Together we have come this far
So close your eyes
And take my hand
Together we will band
Now take a step
And another breath
Another step
Listen to the wind
Feel it whisk you hair aloft
Then and just then
Open your eyes
We're in the middle
Don't fret the storm
It has almost passed
Another step
Another breath
Don't stop you're almost there
Another step
Now look back on what you've done
Fear or no fear.

Wickedly Perfect

I love you wickedly
When I see you I want to do bad things
Just the thought of you sends me into a frenzy
The glow of you makes me melt
I never knew it was love that I felt
You have blown my mind
You've sent my heart a fluttered
Each and every time
I love you wickedly
I never knew what perfect love could be...

Winds of Love

Love is but a word
A word can mean many things
But loves meaning is undeniable
Too many meanings to be seen
Simple four letter word
That makes the world go around
Usually it ends in heartache
Until it can again be found
Love is but a word
A word can mean many things
But the word to me
Remains to be seen!

Fluttered Dreams

My heart has never fluttered
to the shock of a butterflies wings
I guess I've never found true love
Even when I've dreamed of you and me
Life has been a little hard to handle
it seems to always get me down
then there's that glimpse of light
that makes me feel myself I'm found
Then I think of you again
It's not such a bad thing
you may not be true love
Then again maybe my butterfly
Needs a new beginning
My heart has never fluttered
To the shock of a butterflies wings
I guess I've never found true love
But I will keep dreaming of you and me...

Behind Your Future

The sun in your eyes is blinding
The warmth of your touch is binding
At night I can't sleep
Just wanting to wake with you
I watch you sleep
Peacefully lost in dreams
Hopefully of me!

Behind you eyes I see dreams
Of a future you left behind
Just to be with me
But I'm not here to hold you back
I want to take your hand
Then guide you, as a friend
And keep you on the right track!

Dark Skies

The skies are beautiful
Even in the darkest nights
The winds blow steadily
But I feel no chill
Okay I feel cold, dark and damp
Why do these thoughts cloud my mind
Of DEATH
of the darkest demise
Beauty surrounds me
I can see it, but I can't feel it
My body goes numb
With my eyes red, my tears began to flow
Whispers in my ear
Tell me it's time to go
I close my eyes
I leave
Forever
From my body
So cold, dark, and damp!

Ironic America

Part #1

No longer will we just let you in
We are a great nation with many friends
Make no mistake about our strength
We will fight the war, and we will win
No more will just be taken from us
In our strength you must trust
Justice may be blind
But Americans are not
We will get our freedom back
We will not stop
Right now we are not free
But one day soon
We will again be able to sing

Part #2

Upset about the stuggle of American freedom
Thoughts of the war cloud my mind
Why do more have to die, must we take even more lives
My parents always told me two wrongs don't make it right
So why do we have to stuggle to survive
Why do we fight? And why do we cry?
I understand we need justice for all the lives we've lost
But how many more have to suffer, and at what cost?

Part #3

We all lost our freedom, all in one day
Now our world is forever changed
The black clouds were seen all over the earth
Which made us slaves to some foreign jerk
All is not lost though it made us stronger
Bringing terrorists to justice is our hunger
As Americans we have bonded
Which was the very foundation the U.S. was founded
Innocents was lost that day, but no more
To terrorists we have closed our American door!

Lingering Thoughts

Thinking of you always
unable to clear my mind
my thoughts linger endlessly
of you being by my side
I've tried to live my life
now that you have gone
but through it all I've realize
I can no longer go on
You made a promise to me
why haven't you seen it through
you just left me here
all alone without a clue
I will go on thinking of you
until my skies turn from gray back to blue!

The Battle

A crow sits on my windowsill
watching my every move
delicate flowers fall at his feet
as life slowly pours out of me
we keep eye contact
I can't let him win
As I blink only once
Across his beak he shows a grin
our battle continues it's now 12 to 10
it's a matter of life and death
And the game has only began!

For One Moment

This morning I woke up and smiled
With thoughts of you
I haven't seen your face in my dreams
But each night I long to
What I realized is....

Everything I imagine is true
In life I've travel down the roads lost
But when you came along
Something clicked and soar
It wasn't only my heart but my soul

Then the day we finally met
And I held you in my arms
As scared as I was I felt free
I thought this was to good to be true
Finally it was happening to me

And if for the rest of my life
I never feel what I felt in your arms
My life has been greatly enhanced
For I loved and felt love
With you...

Journey of the Rising Moon

Two doves floating aimlessly by above wooded valleys low

Feathers gliding softly against cheeks flushed with a sunsets glow

Up ahead echos of dark linger in the midst of night

Shadows dance in the silence of a breathless sight

Trails of dust at trespassing feet cloud footprints

Journey unknown relying only on a sixth sense

Too long to travel to stop now; reveling in the vibrations of earths sound

Released from the human constriction; no longer bound

Suddenly through a vast stare; piercing trembles call your name

As this warmth fills you; realize you'll never be the same

For it's not what you of yourself come to know

It was in you all along.. Just need to let it flow...

Love is...

Of the Wind

There in the garden is my destiny

With fairytale endings and he

He knows my ways and my likes

But that garden although I can see

Is so very far away from me...

Why can't I reach it

Well that is simple

Its not my time to feel the ripples

Of the wind....

blowing across lillies

lilacs of soft greens

The butterflies dance graciously

From leaf to petal

The stem holds their hearts

The birds land in long fields of beauty

The one I long to run through taking flight

With wildflowers that symbolize me

Growing causiously as I

As light shines down...

Tears water the earth

There in the garden is my destiny

And it's waiting for me....

Without You...

Without you I don't make sense..

A love that makes you feel that way..

Is the truth of life

You are the other half

The one who completes me

You are the stars I've wished upon

The one who was sent for me..

With you I feel content

Stronger than the oceans reflection

The waves of time will past

And love will grow or maybe collaspe

Content that I don't make sense...

No matter what there was still this time

Where ultimately love did shine

And hearts beat as one

I have found the truth of life

Its where shadows danced together

And flames grew taller than the Willow

As tears ceased...

Just a Dream

His touch is undeniably soft and seductive

Kisses always requited with gentle strokes

Heartening a lovers tangle of bodies

I finally found what I’ve been pining for

Fingertips slowly travel around for attention

Hearts beating in soundless repetitions

Each thirsting more every second fleeting

Breaths parting mouths still wanting and wet

As I waken tears formed instantly in my eyes

For it was just a aspiration lost in a hopeful future.

Why?

Why is it so hard to love me?
They say it’s not, but they always run
Leaving me again, alone
Love unconditionally discounted
Misrepresented in touch
But that is not love
Why is it so hard to love me?
All the truth in the world I’ve found
All the roads that I have been down
I thought they led me to you
They always run, scared
Leaving me again, alone
Deluged in sorrow, suffering
I will continue through tears
Never understanding why
Why is it so hard to love me?

Twice Too Many

Twice my broken heart, one time too many
Lovers torn far apart, riotously my soul pities
Barriers we couldn’t climb, I stumbled and fell hard
My addiction I walk blind, love is just not in the cards
I’m all cried out now, my soul’s had all it can take
My love I will no longer vow, for my sanity is at stake
I’ve offer some, and all, I’ve overcome times before
No I won’t offer, I won’t fall, I will never take loves detour
Twice my broken heart, one time too many
Lovers torn far apart, riotously my soul pities.

The Perfect Ending!

March 14, 2004 at 4:30 in the evening Grace sat at her computer. Her story is about a girl her own age aspiring to become a great author. She’s been struggling for weeks but now her thoughts and ideas were starting to spew forth like hot molten lava from a volcano erupting. She can’t type fast enough, her hands shaking noticeably upon the keyboard. She smiled broadly listening to her fingertips pounding the keys. Suddenly, off the computer screen come what seems like a flash of lightening, knocking her back off her seat. Her world goes black. After what seems like an eternity she stumbles to her feet. “What the hell happened?” she questions the empty room.

Still feeling woozy she decides to take a break, going to the kitchen for a glass of water. She giggles realizing how funny it is that her apartment looks the same as the one in her story. She glances from her glass to the clock. “10 o’clock. Wow it’s late! I must have gotten a lot of work done.” She sets down her glass, walks back to her computer to read and edit her work.

“What’s going on?” she yells jumping up for the desk. She sits back down unable to take her eyes off the screen. “Is this some kind of joke?” She asks out loud. There looking back at her from the computer screen is an exact image of herself.

“Hello Grace,” says the girl on the screen. Again Grace stumbles to her feet. “Are you surprised to see me Grace?” questions Reagan, the character named in her story. “I thought I’d give this wonderful life a try since you make it sound like so much fun.” Reagan parades an evil grin.

“What are you talking about?” Grace asks in shock her mouth hanging wide open.

“Well everything that happens to you, you write down on this thing. So I decided to eliminate the middleman, you! I need to enjoy the rest of my life by writing my own story.”

Still in shock Grace sits back down at her computer and starts to type. (Reagan trips and falls down the stairs while walking to the bathroom in her restless sleep.) One by one the letters disappeared for the screen. Reagan, a smirk on her face, uses one finger pushing the delete key. Her eyes never leaving Grace’s. She say’s, “maybe you don’t understand Grace, if I die, you die, so don’t make any mistakes.” Reagan flips off the computer and Grace’s screen goes black.

“This is some kind of joke,” she says again. Some silly little pathetic prank to scare her. She just sits there stunned, tears flowing unnoticeably, not knowing what to do. She tries to mess around with the computer but nothing seems to work. Nothing! Just a totally black computer screen staring back at her. Grace lays down on the couch crying until she realized there were no more tears just noise.

There was no one for her to call. Her parents died four months ago in a car accident. The only other person she had was Spencer. Spencer would know what to do, she thought to herself. Grace made a mad dash for the phone when the screen flickered back to life.

“Well, who are you calling?” asks Reagan. “How about I leave the screen on so you can see who’s visiting me!” The doorbell rings coincidently. “Who could that be?” Reagan gasped looking excited. “It must be my boyfriend Spencer.” Reagan answers the door, and kisses him hello.

“Please help me Spencer,” Grace cries out looking through the screen. Reagan turns and walks back towards the computer. “He can’t hear you Grace, no one can help you. All you have is me.” Hearing Reagan’s mean words Grace breaks down sobbing, tosses an afghan over the computer and leaves the room.

In her bedroom Grace lays down and finds herself in a fitful sleep. She wakes up screaming and sobbing more than once. This time when she woke up she walked into the living room just to see if it was all real. There sat her computer, still covered by the afghan her mother gave her as a Christmas present a few years ago. The tears return to her eyes now burning them with fatigue. She’s realizes that what happened earlier was Reagan’s attempt to kill her. Over and over Grace’s nightmare of Reagan jumping out of the screen trying to choke her to death kept her awake most of the night. When finally she did get back to sleep she was awakened by the ringing doorbell. She looked around, worn-out and tired, not wanting to get out of bed, but thought that the person at the door could be the answer to her prayer. She rose form bed to find Spencer at the door. She broke into tears and collapsed into his arms.

“What’s wrong?” he asks concerned.

“I had the worst night Spencer, I need you,” Graces says as she continues to sob on his shoulder.

“What are you talking about Grace? I just left for 20 minutes. What could have happened since then?” Grace’s sobs got louder with each of his words. “What’s wrong?” Spencer was confused. She backs away her blubber stopping just as quickly as they began.

“You’ve been here all night? That can’t be. I saw you with her!” Graces whimpering voice angers him.

“What the hell are you talking about, I’ve been with you Grace, no one else! Tell me what’s wrong! What did I do?” His voice was loud.

“The character of my story, Reagan, has taken over my life and you were with her last night.”

“You are crazy Gracie. I’ve been here all night with you. Are you trying to tell me a fictional character just jumped out of the computer screen into your body?” He asks jokingly.

“NO, no I’m sorry Spencer you weren’t here you were there!,” Grace said pointing toward her computer. Spencer goes over to the computer and snatches off the afghan. There was Reagan smirking as she watches the blood drain from their faces.

“Hi guys! How are we this fine morning?”

“What the hell is this Grace? This is not funny.”

“Well Spencer my name is Grace, oh, I mean Reagan, but I could be Grace. I was Grace last night.” Reagan said mockingly with laughter in her voice.

“I told you!” Grace yells. “This is Reagan, the character in my story. Yesterday when I was working she sent something through the screen. When I woke up she was there, taking over my life.”

“Just turn off the computer,” Spencer said walking over and unplugging the power. The screen made a sound as if it were going off but Reagan still sat there staring back at them.

“See what you guys don’t understand is the only person who can end this is me. Last night I had a great time just sitting and talking with you Spencer but you are a bit boring. No man is going to sit up all night with a beautiful woman like me, and just talk. So I sent you out for coffee. Grace dear, you can have him.”

Grace sits down at the computer. “Listen Reagan, you are my creation. That means I made you. I will find a way to kill you. I am the writer!” Grace states sympathetically even though she’s not sure she would be able to carry out her threat.

“Okay, creator, great writer, try typing on that keyboard of yours and I’ll show you how original you really are. See this delete button,” Reagan says holding the keyboard up towards the screen. “The whole keyboard works on my side too and I can be the writer, and write your story my way!”

“Spencer what are we going to do, she’s crazy.” He looks at Grace dumbfounded and unbelieving.

“Well there is not much you can do about it Grace, the great writer. Just live your life knowing I’m here writing it.” Smirks Reagan.

“SHUT UP! Shut up!,” Grace yells at the screen. With rage in her eyes, Reagan reaches through the screen and grabs Grace by the neck. As Reagan tightens her grip she yells, “You will never be able to shut me up. Do you hear me? NEVER!” Grace tries to yell out at Spencer who just stands there as if frozen by fear. Coming out of his temporary coma Spencer moves toward them. Unable to breathe Grace looks over at him. Spencer lets out a high-pitched scream.

Grace wakes up and staggers to her feet. “What the hell was that?” she questions the empty apartment. Grabbing her neck in a panic, she realizes it was all just a dream; well a nightmare is more like it. She picks up her chair, turns off the computer. Lying down on the couch she smiles realizing her nightmare would be the perfect ending to her story. She falls asleep quickly, but awakens to Reagan’s voice, “Hello Grace.” Looking at the clock Grace sees it’s only 5:30 in the evening of March 14th, 2004!

I'm Ready

I'm so ready to plant my garden. Most people I've talked to about it said that I should have already planted, well I haven't started. Mainly because I don't have all my materials but also because of the weather here in Michigan. One day it is 80 degrees and sunny, quite breathtaking then the next day.... Well 40 degrees and raining with a chance of frost. I've researched the frost times and Michigan most certainly shouldn't have frost this week, so if you have planted weather sensitive veggies, plants or herbs you are just shit out of luck. The frost will kill them. So either way I'm still good as long as I have everything planted by May 12th, I can harvest weeks ahead of time. Yay me! I'm so stoked to get started. And I tell you what with mom and Julie I wouldn't be ready. They have been buying me little stuff to get me started, so many thanks to them they are my rock.

We Have Fell Off the Wagon

Yep that's right we didn't mean to but like most dieters things just didn't work out. We last about 2 1/2 months before we blew it all to hell. However, -- you just knew there was a but coming didn't you? -- we are going back on our diet officially May 1st. I love being healthier, hell my body loved being healthier. I need to get my family back exercising again before we all weigh 400 pounds and end up on one of those fat people television shows. I think those show over dramatize things a bit, no one can eat more than 5 slices of pizza in one sitting. One guy on the biggest loser had six Big Mac's? No seriously who in the hell could eat more than one and who in the hell would actually want to? Even McDonald's healthier foods on the menu has more than a day's worth of calories. The only thing I enjoy at McDonald's since I've grown from an over active teenagers is the french fries and they have so many calories, if I eat them, it would be the only thing I can eat the entire day without going over whatever calorie limit I set for myself. So I've gone without them, and I'm happy to report I haven't died because of it, in fact I've probably added some years onto my life. McDonald's and almost all fast food is bad, horrible, calorie killing demonic food that should have never been invented. Unfortunately it's cheap and that why most people in America is fat.

Life Right Now

So we had to redo mom's kitchen floor, and although I knew laying tiles was no easy task I looked forward to it. But right now, in this moment my body is hurting so bad all I want to do is cry. Mom and Dad really appreciated us doing it, since my brother who originally took the job didn't finish or do very well for that matter. He used so much liquid nail that it took us over 5 hours just to get the old tile up. Not that it matters anymore, I just don't understand why he couldn't do it in the first place. My siblings, wow how we can count on them. NOT. I'm just rambling on right now trying to get my mind away from the pain located in areas of my body I didn't even know existed. But with that being said, job well done. And thank goodness it is done. Now it's time to recuperate and move on to the next big project, whatever that may be.